The Singles Table

Being at any major event is always a tribulation. The dress, the champagne, the shoes, the champagne, the accessories, the champagne, the table setting and you guessed it, intense champagne consumption. I have had a wedding less than a fortnight ago and have another one in a week and at both the question was the same. Of course it was after the dress, the shoes and the bag but it remained…where am I sitting?

Being single, I assumed that my delightful friends would sit me with other eligible singles, preferably with an even balance of male and female associates. Afterall, there is some crap saying that suggests your friends are an important source of potential dates. So you do your best to get swept up in a land of romanticism and happily ever after followed with the promise of golden, free champagne.

I don’t believe in any of this clap trap but I do my best to convince myself otherwise. What really is a wedding but an excuse for our smugged-up, couple friends to rub into our faces the fact that we should all be living a life of happy ever after. As you can tell my Jekyll and Hyde about the romantic side of life is by far the most bi-polar characteristic of my personality. So where I sit at a wedding will be an important note for those that must sit next to me.

They will have to endure my tears of joy and happiness for the loved ones being betrothed followed by the incessant whine about why all of this type of caper is absolutley necessary. Probably an important time to note that the length and severity of the whining is directly proportionate to the quantity of golden, liquid, bubbles I have consumed.

At both the afore mentioned weddings – one thing is apparent. My ‘getting married’ friends have absolutely no single man friends.

Wedding One: Long time friends – finally married. The singles table, which by now I should be assured a permanent seating card, held myself, my single bf, two other single female bfs, and the partners of the bridal party. Sorry girls, no help there. Not only were the men they put at our table unavailable, they were related!

Wedding Two: Long time friends – quick wedding. No, no babies, but wanted to give you the impression that these people were organised and effecient. I haven’t even been to this wedding yet and already the whispers through the sister hood is that we are a table of ten. Ten. Ten, single women. Not even a man in sight.

That indicates a couple of outcomes are likely and judging from wedding one’s performance, almost guranteed.

• I will drink copious amounts of alcohol
• I will dance with a champagne bottle tucked under my arm
• The Grease medley is going to be the highlight of my night
• My shoes will come off
• My lipstick will go un re-applied
• I will be the last one standing in the room animatedly convincing the wait staff that having another drink with me is much better than disassembling the table centres.

So while I continue to sit at the single’s tables at all of the weddings and birthday parties, I will continue to have a great time and not worry about the slight misfortune of a lipstick smudge or misplaced fringe. I will dance with husbands of pretty bridesmaids that are stuck on cake duty and I will look on in smugness as the coupley girls hold their men and only make it to the dance floor for the slow songs. Drink the champagne I say. It’s free and helps negate the price of your very expensive new shoes.