What you want and what you need – are they the same thing?

You can’t always get what you want but if you try sometimes, you’ll get what you need! Or so it is said by the immortal rock gods themselves. I’ve come to this statement in my thirtieth year and I don’t think it was a moment too soon. You see I want a lot of things. I know that my man criteria often doesn’t stem too far from shoes, teeth and a job but I find that it probably is a little more specific than that. I want to travel, I want see things, I want stuff and I want people to see it with me.

The truth is that lately it doesn’t really matter. Any of that stuff. Because in the end if I don’t get those things I will still be breathing. I will still be living and I will still have the opportunity to make my life work. We might not get what we want but I will always have what I need. What I need is the loving support of my friends and family. Check. The will to carry on. Check. My favourite pair of shoes. Check. And a little sprinkle of spontaneity. Sometimes check.

This little bit of spontaneity is sometimes enough to bring those people into our lives that we need. I thought I wanted a boy. Thought I was ready for one. Thought that’s ok love, you really have got yourself sorted and maybe it is time to move on and find something a little bit more stable in your life. The universe, like the last thirty years, has a different idea. It sends me Joe*. (Identifying features have been changed to protect the guilty.) On the surface he is everything I should think to want in a friend or special friend. There is potential and I am careful not to over analyse and just go with the flow. Joe, like any man, has no idea what’s going on and has no idea of the scrutiny I have placed him under. He lumps through the beginning of our friendship like any man – deliriously oblivious and happily unaware.

Dinner, followed by coffee, followed by texts, followed by a meet up out all seem to augur well with the semi-detached plan forming in my frontal lobe. You see he ticks the boxes and while something doesn’t feel quite right – I plug on. He is smart, has a good job, sometimes funny and most of all fun. Which for the most part has been great. Impromptu meet-ups, random texts, spare of the minute plans.

I think the universe has finally thrown me a winner. A man as happy to fly by the seat of his pants as I am. But the smarter readers among you can already guess where this is heading. Said impromptu meeting rears it’s head. Said blogger is a little wary but gets up, showers and heads to meet Joe for coffee. An hour later she is trawling the mall looking for familiar faces and waiting on street corners. No text or phone call from Joe just a girl in a spontaneous mood waiting to for spontaneity to hit.

It seems finally, Joe has got a better offer and Joe being Joe, forget to let me know that he was heading off to do something else. You see spontaneity may be what I want, but it’s obviously not what I need. So here comes the new checklist…
Happy, Down to Earth and Reliable. I bring enough spontaneity into my life, I need someone who is grounded and land me back to the world of practical every now and then.

This revelation was earth shattering for me. Yet somehow when I mentioned it to said friends, they merely laughed at me. Apparently they had known that for years. Now why they just couldn’t tell me in the first place and save a little bit of embarrassment I will never know.