You’re my Best Friend

The words of mortal enemies. It’s hard to imagine that ever hearing those words turns into something terrible. But it does, and it has and I am almost certain that it will continue to. I have this uncanny ability to make friends. It’s not a super power and up until recently, I didn’t even consider it a skill. Yet, I have a full life. A life full of friends and people who love me and with that fullness comes the aforementioned title of this article.

So how does it get to the point where hearing that becomes something terrible? When the words are uttered out of the mouth of a man. And not just any man. You see you can think that there is something there, you know that you are not THAT friendly with the rest of your friends but he doesn’t see it that way. You are, I am the best friend that he ever had.

In hindsight I don’t see that as a drastic issue, in fact I scored a new friend, someone new to hang out with, someone to take me out into the wide world and provide me with well received entertainment value. At the time… my world collapsed. I cried, moped, got angry, revolted and worse than anything self pitied. Self pity is a valuable emotion to express but it should be a short lived emotion. One that ends not so long after it starts. By all means I wallowed in it, I hung onto it and I definitely ate it. It wasn’t until a ‘real’ friend of mine made a much better statement than ‘you’re my best friend.’ She said…”you idiot, why would you ever want a boy that doesn’t want you the same way?” Harsh friend but a good one.

I had reservations, cries of ‘but, but, but…’ BUT I found nothing to follow my buts. Unusual for me, I’ve always got plenty to say. Nevertheless she was right and after calling her a cow for not understanding me or helping me devour the packet of Tim Tams, I got over it and sucked it up. I drew a line in the sand and put the boy back in the box. Where he belongs. My life is filled with people who love me. Near and far I am loved. But after that experience there really is only one friendship that I need to cultivate and rely on. And that’s the one with myself. You see, if I can’t love me – it doesn’t matter how many people love me, it will never be enough. I will constantly search to find more of it.

So now that’s it… finding it on the inside. No more projecting to the outside or the others around me who already love me. Find the boy that loves me back and eat myself skinny. Surely I can do all that by the end of the month.